It Is What It Is

If you're squeamish about the female body, consider this a disclaimer.

J and I have been married for 7 years and together for 8.  We were 21 when we got married and had no intention of having kids for awhile.  While we married quickly, we both take the responsibility of having kids very seriously.  We share the viewpoint that once you have kids then they are the priority and they deserve to have loving parents.  Therefore, you better make for darn certain that you and your partner can stand each other for awhile without kids. We also wanted to weather a few storms together before involving a kid or two. But that's just us.

We went through a few periods where he wanted to start trying for kids but I didn't; or I would want to start but he didn't.  So we agreed to wait until we both felt it was time.  Time passed, we shared various experiences (college, traveling, graduations, commissioning, trainings, jobs, etc...).  We were just so busy enjoying one another and our life that we just weren't ready to include a child.

September of last year (2013)we were both finally on the same page. He had returned home from deployment and it finally felt right.  We agreed to start trying after I went to a Supernatural convention (we are planners, what can I say).  I bring this up because it's the "landmark" that I can refer to.

When I returned from the convention, I didn't feel right.  I felt bloated and tired and gained an unusual amount of weight.  I chalked it up to eating horribly at the convention.   A month went by and I didn't feel better.  Two months went by and I started to really worry because I missed a period.....I never do that.  Then December came and I was still late.  I took a ton of pregnancy tests, went to my doctor's where they did a urine and blood test (all came back negative), and then decided it was time to find a GYN.

My doctor is wonderful. She ran tests and found 3 things: 1) I'm deficient in vitamin D, 2) I have slight hypothyroidism, and 3) crazy low progesterone.  I was put on medication for all three of these things.  The good news is that there was no sign of cancer (well, as much as you can tell with a blood test) and I am not perimenopausal. So...yay.....

It took a few months to get my progesterone levels under control.  However, once under control I still wasn't ovulating.  I have had very short cycles all my life.  However, when I would tell doctors in the past they would just put me on BC to regulate it.  When I was on BC I was fine, but as soon as I was off I went back to my regularly irregular cycle.  Due to my short cycles, I don't ovulate.

I am now on Clomid.  I have gone through 2 cycles with no success.  I went in 2 days ago to get my blood drawn to see if my dosage needs to be increased.  I received a call yesterday saying that my doctor will increase my dosage for the third time.  If things don't work this dosage then we're calling it quits with Clomid and will move onto the next step.

I feel like I'm dealing with all of this pretty well. I find it more frustrating than anything else.  I hear so many people talk about the miracle of the female body, and how women are meant to give birth.....and I can't help but look at myself and think how broken I must be.  I know this isn't rational, but it is hard to not think this every now and then.  It just sucks.  My mantra is "It is what it is" and I just move on to the next step(s).

I have a feeling that a lot of this blog will be about the road to baby.  If you want to follow along then feel free.  I'm tired of not talking about it, and answering "when will you have a baby" with "Oh, eventually....maybe".  Feel free to ask me questions.  Talking about it and blogging is kind of therapeutic, actually.

-Laura

As usual, please excuse any mistakes as I dislike editing.